At the age of 23 (soon to be 24), I still can't find my true self. There's time when I envy people who is happy with their life and their job or people who knows exactly what they want for their life. I'm on the other hand still in doubt with my own life. Is that a normal thing?I myself am not sure about it.
There's always doubt in my heart when it comes to work. "Can I manage to stay long in this job or do I have to find another job already." "Can I cope with the job scope and the people." "How am I going to stay long in this company when the staff always talk behind peoples back." Those are some of the FAQ from my heart. I can't exactly sure what I really want to do for a living. Right now, I'm still in doubt with my current position. Is this what I really want or just another transit for me. *Sigh*
The biggest problem for me is finding my own identity. I really, really am envy those who have their own identity and those who always look good in whatever they are wearing (again, is that a normal thing?). I'm still hesitate between my desires and demands of religious. It's involving wearing "hijab". I know it is wrong for Muslim lady for not wearing hijab, but I still think that myself still not ready for it. What's the point of wearing it today but not wearing it again next week? Just like what I did 3 years back. It's best if just not wear it at all. I know that most Muslim people will not agree with me but I think that's the best way for me. I hope that Allah will open my heart so that I can become a good Muslimah.
I hope that this year I can find my true self. I'm getting married next year (insyaallah), so it is best for me to find out what I really want to do with my life so that I will not make the wrong decision. And, the most important thing is I will try my best to be a good Muslimah. Amin.
p/s: Love to read blogs from girls who wears hijab and looks very, very fashionable in it.
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